A night in the House

After a hectic week in school, I'm having a quiet night in with Dr Gregory House. If you're not familiar with this series, then a typical episode goes something like this: the featured patient will be going about their business, playing tennis, mowing the lawn, having dinner in a restaurant or whatever seeming perfectly healthy, the next moment, they collapse clasping their chest, or their hands will swell to three times their normal size,  or they turn blue or blood pours out of some orifice or other. Somebody then yells 'Call 911'. Cue title music. Throughout the course of the episode, House and his team will treat the patient for several bogus diseases, the patient will experience major organ failure, then at the last moment, some essential medical evidence will come to light and the patient will recover within a few minutes. 
I am slightly addicted, as I enjoy the dark humour and Hugh Laurie's sarcastic tones, but every now and again I have to stop watching as I start to fear that I am at risk of some strange disease.
House will often send his lackeys off to the patient's home to search for traces of fungus, dust, vermin or parasites that may have affected them. He always asks if they have travelled abroad, so a passport jam - packed with African visas would send the diagnostic team at Princeton-Plainsboro into a frenzy. I regularly find cockroaches and mouse droppings in my cupboards at school and sweep them into the bin with barely a shudder anymore. What does make me shudder though, is the thought of what their little feet have run through on the streets of Bukoto. In my time here, I've taken pills designed for horses to rid my body of bilharzia and have had my body invaded by various amoebas and bacterias.   I inhale lungfuls of dust on my bike rides and have leaped over open sewers on the hash. I expect myself to be fully immune to every infection on earth by the time I leave here!
Touch wood, though, I'm in fine fettle at the moment ... but should I turn a funny shade of purple, please call for medical assistance!

A rolex is chapatti, eggs, cabbage, onion, tomato and who knows what added extras!