Things you can only say in Uganda …

As I approach my final departure from Uganda, I am starting to think about some of the things that would seem completely ridiculous to an outsider, but are quite normal here. I have to admit that I stole the idea for this post from a friend after a post-work beer (shocking news, I know).

1. Has anybody seen the hot nut man today? For the record, I was looking for the man who sells hot nuts, rather than a hot man who sells nuts!
2. That cockroach gel is my new best friend!
3. Has anybody got the phone number so we can find out when the power’s coming back?
4. Can I have a refund on that fake DVD? You told me it was a whole series, but it only had 7 episodes!
5. Has anybody actually seen a physical copy of the Ugandan Highway Code?
6. I’m really skint – I’m down to my last ten thousand!
7. Can you find me a good mango for today and an avocado for tomorrow!
8. Do you think it’s OK to eat food from a microwave that has live cockroaches trapped between the glass in the door?
9. Wow – look at the new bus stops! (without a hint of sarcasm)
10. Brrr it’s cold … when the clouds form and it drops to about 25 degrees!

Looking forward to ...

Life is good, if not a little busy! I’ve decided to make the most of my remaining time in Uganda and have lots of ‘bucket list’ plans in the pipeline. I am now coming out of my phase of finding everything in Uganda triply more frustrating than usual to feeling a little melancholic about leaving. I'll be wearing rose tinted glasses until I leave ...

Sunday morning biking has been great fun of late. More often than not, I used to find myself the only girl in the group. These days, there are almost as many girls as boys, which means I am not the only one to complain about the swamps and single tracks. Funny how the male and female perspective is different on things – when I nearly went A over T today, one of the guys said I just performed a great front wheelie!

My biggest problem right now is that there are too many things to do and not enough time to squeeze it all in. Next week it’s the Irish Ball and I’m wondering whether I can manage to go to that, then go biking at the Lagoon Resort on the Sunday. I really want to do both, but I have a sneaking suspicion that next Sunday may be a little more sedentary! Watch this space …

Also on the cards is a trip up to Murchison Falls to camp on the Nile Delta. Yes – that’s me camping, in the middle of a national park, surrounded by wild animals from hippos, to crocodiles to lions.

If I survive that then it won’t be long until the Easter holidays when I head off Kenya for my final safari in the Masai Mara, followed by a third visit to the gorgeous Watamu on the Indian Ocean. Not very adventurous , I know, but it’s fabulous, so who cares? I’m going to be joined by a very old friend, so I look forward to showing her a few of the sights and scenes of Africa!

Donkeys, Mules and Total Asses!

Let's just get a few things straight:

Donkeys and horses are totally different species. A mule is a hybrid of a male donkey and a female horse. I'm not sure what a female donkey and a male horse would make. Nor am I sure how I seemed to be such an expert on this matter, but subsequent Googling proves that I was correct.

You can tell the difference between a donkey and a mule by looking at the head. A mule has a more horse-like head and donkeys are cuter and always look like they need cheering up, just like Eeyore!

My friends from the other side of the Atlantic thought it was slightly strange when I told them that you can take a donkey ride on the beach in Blackpool and other seaside resorts. I guess they spend their time swimming in the clean, warm ocean when they go to the beach!

We looked like total asses when we paraded through the streets of Lalibela on mules - but it was great fun!

Nobody joined in with me when I sang 'Little Donkey' as we traipsed along the dusty road ...

Little Donkey - cheer up x

Mules!

Blazing saddles!

Causing a stir in Lalibela!

Italian Style and Design

As always, I got lots of entertainment value from the other tourists and their 'Africa clothes'.

As you can see by this pair of shoes, many of the tourists were in the autumn of their lives. I think we lowered the average age by about 30 years!

Bloodyhell, these National Trust blue plastic bags get everywhere. I remember having great fun skidding across the polished floors of Sizergh Castle when I was a kid! Don't think this person was agile enough though!

Here's a great idea - why not carry your Blackberry, passport and a wad of US dollars in a clear plastic bag around your neck?

Look at the state of this video camera - some relic from the early 80s methinks. Bet he'd have got a better pice of equipment of the market in Addis! 

Bum bags (or fanny packs as Americans would say) - marginally better than the clear plastic bag around the neck!

Believe it or not, the one in the white gloves is a woman! What are the gloves for? Can't believe she was irresponsible enough to come to Africa without a SARS mask. If you look carefully in the background, you can see a spectacular example of a German mullet from the early 80s!

Simien Mountains

They say the camera never lies, so the pictures below would suggest that we endured hours, if not days, of tough hiking! We didn't! Since we were on such a whistle-stop tour of Ethiopia we took the easy option and drove up through the mountains and went for a light stroll around the summit! We stayed in a lodge and enjoyed a couple of sundowners.

A few of the gentle gelada baboons .... 

A Culinary Tour of Ethiopia

Above is one of my first meals in Ethiopia. Orthodox Christians in Ethiopia fast for an extended Lent period, cutting out all meat and dairy products from their diet. Understandably, the evening before the fasting starts is a huge party night, where people enjoy their last night of feasting on all the forbidden foods. When I tried to order 'fasting food' (the veggie option), I was told I could have it tomorrow. No amount of explaining would get me a veggie meal. In the end, we agreed that we could have a dish with a mixture of meat and veggies. Having had Ethiopian food a number of times, I was content with this, as the sauces normally neatly compartmentalised. But not this time. We were presented with this injera parcel with everything mixed up. I enjoyed nibbling on the omelette on top but was horrified to discover that what I expected to be a tomato sauce was actually raw meat! Even the most hardened carnivores amongst us found that hard to stomach!

Later that evening, we visited a local bar to watch (and tried to join in with) a little cultural dancing. One guy nearly got a slap when he said to my friend 'Do you like touch?' ... The poor bloke was actually just asking her what she thought of the local honey wine, which is called 'tej'! How easily we are misunderstood! 

Saint George is not only the patron saint of England, but is also a bit of a hero in Ethiopia. Churches are dedicated to him throughout the land and the image of him bravely slaying a dragon adorns many a mural. I enjoyed a few beers in his honour too!

Ethiopians enjoy chewing on a little chat, which is said to have a mild euphoric effect. I didn't get that far though as I found it so disgusting that I had to spit it out after a couple of minutes. I didn't fare much better when I tried chewing coca leaves in Peru either! 

Here's a more typical injera dish, where the foods are served separately. Thankfully for me, by everything on this plate was 'fasting food'. My favourites were the spinach and the 'shiro' bean stew. I'm not entirely sure what the cold chips were doing on the plate though!