For many years, I had an anxiety dream involving my GCSE
Geography coursework. In this dream, after having months to compile a folder
full of surveys, maps and graphs, the morning of the due date would arrive and
I would have absolutely nothing to show for it. In reality, this makes no sense
as I always quite liked Geography and I distinctly remember putting all those
sheets of paper together inside plastic pockets, with the sections subdivided
by brightly coloured cardboard section dividers well in advance of the due
date.
More recently, I have developed a new anxiety dream. This
one does involve a more recent and realistic situation. This week I have woken
up in the middle of the night a couple of times, reliving the moment of the
ascent night of Kilimanjaro where I was quite literally gripped with fear and
afraid to move either upwards or downwards. So what does this all mean?
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| Still a long way to go here then! |
I am in limbo land at the moment. I have a mere six weeks
left in Uganda, a few weeks holiday, then I set off on a whole new adventure to
Singapore. I have a long list of things to do before I leave; from tying up
loose ends at work, to selling or giving away the belongings I no longer need
and organising shipping for the things I can’t let go of so easily. I also have
to prepare myself to say goodbye to the country, which despite its petty
frustrations, has become my home for the last four years. Some of my friends
here have become like family too. It is not going to be easy.
Then we have the future and things are moving so quickly! My
flight to Singapore is already booked and I am being asked to get in touch with
housing agents. I can’t really get my head around thinking about where I may
like to live in a city I have never visited, on a whole new continent. The
Internet may offer a whole host of facts and figures about living in Singapore,
but I will only really understand when I arrive and experience it for myself.
I’m going to be the new girl again, get lost on strange streets, find new
friends and establish a new life for myself. I know I will be fine because I
have done this twice already, but the big unknown is always a little scary!
